Ready, Steady, Slooow!
Running a marathon is a milestone in any runner’s book. But, that is IF you are a runner.
For all us ordinary (non-sporty) people out there, a marathon is an alien occurrence that we read and hear about from the news or friends. Waking up at ungodly hours just to inflict physical torment upon one’s body isn’t everyone’s idea of fun.
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Having said that, there are times when unavoidable circumstances dictate that you find yourself running a marathon. Whether be it trying to impress a date, being coerced along by friends or simply enforced as a mandatory office bonding exercise, you find yourself unable to worm your way out of this gruelling experience.
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However, there is another possibility. Maybe you are a willing marathon participant, but due to a busy schedule, you couldn’t find sufficient time to train. Now to protect your body from injury, you are hoping to coast your way through this arduous task.
The bottom line is that you need to skive your way through this and somehow give others the illusion that you are still making a visible effort. If you are still scratching your head over this conundrum, we have just the solution for you! So sit back, relax and let our ‘Marathon Slacker Guide’ get you through this ordeal.
Marathon Slacker Guide
1. Find a fellow marathon slacker
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Misery loves company. And, it is a statement that has proven to be true. It is good to find likeminded individuals who share your marathon distain and huddle together. There is strength in numbers. And like in training, it is always essential to have a buddy to lean on. Furthermore, this can even lead to a collaborative effort to skive. The two of you can be each other’s excuse for slowing the pace down during trainings and the marathon itself!
2. Train to FINISH the race. Nothing more…
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So, you have signed up for the marathon as part of a group. It can either be with a bunch of close friends or as part of the office. Therefore, there is a strong chance that you will be training together. Time to get your priorities straight! If you are not going to enjoy it, don’t go all out like the others. Instead, do the bare minimum. Besides, didn’t a wise man once say that it is about the journey and not the destination!
3. Walk the full distance
In line with our first and second point, walking the entire distance is your best bet to ensure that you put in the least amount of effort. It definitely ticks the box of just trying to finish the event and is something that your fellow marathon slacker pal and you can do without difficulty. Come on, it is only walking. How hard can that be? And besides, running is so overrated.
4. Dress up in costume
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If walking is still too much effort, then there is no better way to be let off the running hook than being the wondering entertainment. All you need is a rental costume and you have the perfect excuse to just mingle with the crowd. And if you can incorporate props such as a Segway or motorised scooter, you are gold!
You can even go the full mile by coming dressed as a zombie. When questioned by your counterparts, feign ignorance by saying that you thought that it was a zombie run!
5. Tag your marathon bib or chip on someone else
Maybe you are feeling peckish after walking the first part of the marathon, and you feel like having some breakfast. No problem, all you need to do is to attach you bib or chip to the roving event vehicle and you are free. Just remember to wipe your mouth and douse yourself with some water before reaching the finishing point. The devil is in the details hehe.
6. Feigning illness
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Nothing saves you from running like a bad bug. We recommend that you go with the seasonal ailment that is going around. If it happens to be the flu season, seize the opportunity with both hands. You can start by dropping subtle symptoms to your friends a couple days prior to the event. Going to the doctor lends further credence to your lie.
But if you have a thing for theatrics, nothing beats turning up with a crutch or in a wheelchair! However, we advise against that as you will need an elaborate backstory and credible acting skills to put the con off.
So, we hope that you will find these pointers useful the next time you need to coast through a marathon.
If you need some practice, why not sign up for our SAFRA Singapore Bay Run 2013 and try your hand at these tips today! Happy walking!